Vickie Boechler

When I think back, I was a caregiver as a very young person. I was always looking after my mom. She had a challenging upbringing, and carried the effects of those experiences throughout her life. When she wasn’t feeling well, I took on much of what needed to be done at home – laundry, vacuuming, preparing meals. After supper, I would do the dishes before starting my homework. I didn’t question it. It was just part of my life.

My caregiving role changed significantly when I was in my 50s and my mom went on dialysis. She had an autoimmune disease and her liver was failing. At the time, a transplant  wasn’t being considered as an option because of her age, but I cornered the doctor while he was on his morning rounds and asked him about it. That same day they transferred her to another hospital and put her on the list. Because of my advocacy, she received a liver transplant and lived for another 22 years.

For the last two years of her life, she was in the hospital and I visited her almost every day while also managing the practical work of moving her belongings to storage. Eventually, I burned out and reached the point where I needed to take six months away from work.

After that experience, I realized that I needed to take care of myself so I looked for things that would help me. You need exercise to get your endorphins going and you need friends. I didn’t have any sisters growing up, but my female friends are very important and I call them my sisters. They’re the ones that support me.

Learning to prioritize my own well-being has changed the way I approach caregiving, including as my husband’s needs have changed. He has always had limited vision in one eye, and later developed glaucoma in his other eye. I found myself taking on more of a caregiving role again this March, after a recent procedure did not have the outcome we had hoped for.

I go to yoga three times a week and I volunteer every other Wednesday with people experiencing homelessness. I also write for a little magazine in Stoney Plain, Alberta, and I’m on the advisory board for Caregivers Alberta where I also run a support group for caregivers.

As women, we’re socialized to be caregivers that look after other people but my experience taught me that we have to look after ourselves, too. I know now that I need to prioritize taking care of myself if I want to take care of my loved ones.  The people we care for matter, and caregivers matter too. I can be present for the people I love while also recognizing that I have needs, relationships and a life of my own.

40 years ago, someone told me I should write this on my fridge as a daily reminder: “I have a right to be happy.” It took me years but now I understand why.