Kristie Mar

I became a caregiver when I was 16. My mom got really sick with anorexia nervosa and schizophrenia. I was in high school at the time and I was trying to navigate the mental health care system in B.C. It was really challenging. For the past eight years, I have mentally and emotionally supported my mother while attempting to fill the gaps in her life she couldn’t attend to anymore. For example, I would answer calls for her, arrange visits from relatives, contact mental health support workers, monitor her during the day and night, cook and bring food to her in the hospital, and cover for her at work when she was too sick to go.

There is a lot of stigma with mental illness so it was really, really hard to access any care. My mom went seven years without getting any care at all. I would call the emergency mental health care service for people who refuse care like my mom. They came to our house a few times, and they would say, she’s not a harm to herself, so we can’t take her. Those years were really tough. I felt like I had lost my mom, I lost a lot of familial support, and I struggled navigating growing up on my own. It was quite a lonely experience.

I didn’t get involved with caregiver organizations until a year and a half ago, because I didn’t think I could call myself a caregiver. I’m still hesitant to describe myself as a caregiver with peers or those around me, but it has helped me have some peace of mind and given me some validation to the position I’m put in. It makes me feel like I am an important part of my mom’s health care and wellness. Caring for someone with mental health challenges is very different from caring for someone with physical illness. You’re not helping them get up and helping them eat. But the kind of care I give is important. I felt like an imposter for a long time. And now I don’t feel like one anymore.