BJ Doyle

A year after I moved to the Sunshine Coast, I met the woman who was going to be my second wife, Judy. We were very much in love and happy and when she told me she had been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s I couldn’t believe it. As her journey progressed, I retired to care for her full-time. It was a labour of love. Her only daughter had moved to New Zealand and the rest of her family was in Winnipeg. There was not a lot of respite support. Basically, I was getting about three hours every second Friday.

After Judy passed away, I didn’t know what I was going to do. I was going to go back to work in some capacity, but I was also decompressing from 24/7 caregiving. I reached out to the head of the homecare services agency that I worked with to get care for Judy, and this spring will mark four years of me being there. It’s been an interesting sunset career for somebody at my stage in life, but I’m very happy.

For 12 to 15 hours a week, I work in companion caregiving, accompanying people on errands and spending time together. There’s one gentleman who has a favourite coffee shop, and it’s his favourite because they let him bring his dog into the coffee shop. I don’t just sit there and drink coffee with him; I help facilitate conversations between him and others.

Had I not met Judy, I would not have been put on this trajectory. I never knew I had the capacity for empathy and compassion, and those are the qualities you need for a role like this. To be able to do it day in and day out with people who are struggling – to be invited into their homes and often be the last person who really gets to know them, there’s a huge responsibility with that. I don’t take it lightly. 

In addition to that, I host the Caring for Changes podcast and volunteer as the facilitator for a monthly support group for caregivers. There’s just no substitute for caregivers hearing from other caregivers and having a venue where they can feel supported. When I close a meeting and see them stay and exchange phone numbers, that’s what it’s all about. 

For me, caregiving has really helped me come into my own and having my humanity restored. And I can never pay Judy back for that. All I can do is honour her by having her with me and that’s what I try and do every day.